Where are you?
In a non slutty way
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have aggressive nipples.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
