No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
