great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
