Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
