Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
