Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
