is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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