I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
