do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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