You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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