I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
