Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
