A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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