you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize