I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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