There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
