Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
