If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
