I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
