I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Operation Purity has been aborted
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
