My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bring me that man meat
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
