I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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