plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
