Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
