The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
