dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
