Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
