JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
