tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
