Buhtt sex?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
