you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
