I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
