new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
