and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
