I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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