Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
