covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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