Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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