i just wanna soil my oats bro
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
