we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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