i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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