some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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