Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i would punch a child for taco bell
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I said "one day" and that day is not today
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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