I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up under a house in Key West
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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