Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
