Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
