what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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