How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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