I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
