Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize