I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
