How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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