he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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