its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
