You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
