I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
