Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
