There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
