she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
