Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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