I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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