I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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