Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
