Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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