Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
