It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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